The Courtship of Character

Chapter Six

 The Courtship of Character

Sitting in Court and seeing young people swagged in prison garb and handcuffs may not be your typical vision of courtship. A politician attempts to woo voters through electoral courtship. Yeah, a man is on his best behavior when he courts a woman. Ladies beware! Don't marry a man until you have seen him in a storm! As a Mentor, you will be engaged in the Courtship of Character.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 11

Many folks will give you a long list of personal attributes that will describe what character is. You can use your own definition of what character is. For the sake of this voyage on a Character Courtship, I will give you mine: "Character is doing your word."

There will be some folks who will pick apart that definition needlessly. Quite simply; if you speak a word, keep your word and do your word. What you speak should flow out of the character imbedded in your heart. As a Mentor, you will be watched most diligently to see if you keep your word. Are you an example of commitment? Do you take lightly, the responsibility of your role as a Mentor? Do you make excuses for missing appointments with your Mentee?

Perseverance is the hallmark of a Mentor. Will you stop Mentoring after somebody has been arrested? Your Courtship of Character in a Mentoring Relationship should convey the following attitude: "I will never give up on you." It may take 10 years or more for you to see fruit borne from your Mentoring Relationship. You may not see fruit at all. Make a decision right now that you will release any expectations for fruit. A Teacher teaches many students for many years and yet a Teacher will receive very few demonstrations of gratitude. Never give up on a young person. Give up your expectation of gratitude. The farmer let's go of the seed and still plans for the harvest.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 12

Every time I would feel that we were becoming more trusting of each other, he would lash out and reject me. We had spent over 5 years together in a Mentoring Relationship. I couldn't understand the backtracking we seemed to do in our relationship. We would take a step forward and then retreat a few miles. He would push me away only to try and pull me back in a short time period. "Push and Pull" is a relationship style that a Mentor needs to recognize.

As a Mentor, you will need to continue the Courtship of Character when someone is pushing you away. "Push and Pull" is a game played by a young person who has been repeatedly rejected and abandoned by those closest to him. In their mind, every time they let someone get close to their heart, that person walks out and abandons them. The pain of rejection becomes like salt on a wound. As insulation and protection from more pain, the young person will push away before you get too close.

A tug boat has very powerful engines that will enable it to pull or push huge ships. Their approaches will vary depending on conditions or environment (ocean or river.) You can steer a young person toward emotional heeling by recognizing emotional conditions. Move slowly and nudge gently, be patient. Open up a line of discussion about the cycles of rejection and abandonment. If you make a commitment to form a life long relationship with somebody, keep your commitment.  Actions are more contagious than words in building a Character Courtship.