The F Word and Love

Throwing a young person out of the gym will never make a highlight film. The gym at Holy Cross run by Youth With A Purpose does get quite crowded. Adrenalin surges and excited tempers can combine and cause emotional explosions. The gym is in an

Watch closely, fast action can blur your vision.

A crowded gym is a great place to teach character.

old Catholic school with short sidelines and low ceilings. It was built for younger, much smaller children. Everything seems to be compressed, including the young people who are  desperate to feel esteemed and accepted.  A fatherless generation is not big on respect and discipline, so we have to teach those character traits to maintain order. Sometimes we have to politely ask an impolite youngster to leave.  

 

 The rules are pretty simple: 

1. NO FIGHTING, no play fighting, no fake fighting - 

NO FIGHTING OF ANY KIND!

2. NO FOUL LANGUAGE, no cursing, no trash talking, no negative talking. 

NO NEGATIVE TALKING OF ANY KIND!

The penalties for breaking these rules are fairly simple: If you fight, you are thrown out for a week. If you curse after you have been warned, you are thrown out for a day. We hardly ever have to throw a kid out but it happens; I hate it and it's necessary. One night I chased a young man out of the gym and nearly 2 blocks down the street. Jeffrey was cursing repeatedly and I asked him to leave. When he refused to leave, I started walking toward the light switch. This was a ploy I had learned many years earlier. It was useless to threaten someone verbally but everyone recognized the power of the

Negative words deflate people.

"Positive words only are spoken,

negative words make people feel broken."

light switch: Once the lights were off, the gym was closed for the evening and all games would stop. Jeffrey's friends began urging him to just cool down and leave for the day, they wanted to keep playing ball. Jeffrey's anger seemed to escalate and he started cursing more vociferously. I told him that if he didn't leave for the day that he would be gone for a week. He said: "F YOU!" and headed for the door. 

With every "F YOU!" bomb that Jeff threw at me, I answered with my own bomb: "I LOVE YOU JEFFREY!" He stalked up the stairs out of the gym and out the door repeating his "F bombs." I followed him for almost 2 blocks yelling: "I love you Jeffrey!"  I finally said: "Jesus loves you and so do we!" and watched him disappear into the neighborhood. I felt bad, I hurt, I felt guilty and yet I did what was right. 

Jeff came into the gym the very next day. He was apologetic and I think he expected me to just forgive and forget. I told him that because he had carried on after I had asked him to leave that I needed to speak to his Mom before he would be allowed back in. He angrily replied that she was working and he didn't know when she would be done. I then told him what I wanted to say to his Mom: "I am going to tell your Mom that she must be a pretty good Mom because her son is a pretty good boy. I'm glad he comes to our Youth Center. Sometimes we have a beef but we settle it and move on." 

 

Jeff called his Mom and then listened as I said exactly what I said I would. I thanked his Mom for her time and we hung up. Jeff had tears in his eyes just like I do now as I write this. God had given us a teachable moment. Discipline can be hard and it can hurt. Lack of discipline can cause death.

 "Tears can water a young heart and help the heart grow." 

 

Today's Wise Saying is taken from Proverbs 23:13-14 

 

Proverbs 23:13-14

New International Version (NIV)

Saying 13

¹³ Do not withhold discipline from a child;
    if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
¹⁴ Punish them with the rod
    and save them from death.

Proverbs 23:13-14

The Message (MSG)

^13-14 Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones;
    a spanking won’t kill them.
A good spanking, in fact, might save them
    from something worse than death.

Proverbs 23:13-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹³ Withhold not discipline from the child; for if you strike and punish him with the [reedlike] rod, he will not die.

¹⁴ You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Sheol (Hades, the place of the dead).

Proverbs 23:13-14

King James Version (KJV)

¹³ Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
¹⁴ Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Nobody in their right mind like to enforce discipline on a child. Love is the answer and discipline can be part of the equation that adds up to love. Some parents strive to be their children's friends and this is destructive to the child. Someone who is disciplined has been given instruction in self control and respect for authority.It is harder than ever for many young people to respect authority when they have not had a father as an authority in their lives. They resent the Dad who walked out on them and they resent any male role model who tries to assume that role. Many angry young men have yelled: "You're not my father!"

Here is an awesome description regarding discipline from The Message:

Hebrews 12:7

The Message (MSG)

^{4-11 "}In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
    but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
    the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."

Discipline taught early enough can help avoid messes later in life.

Here are today's questions for reflection:

• What does discipline mean to you?
• How do you react to discipline from an authority?
• When you are the authority, do you communicate clearly, the consequences for broken rules?

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.
Jesus loves you and so do we.