Tuesday, October 29, 2013

My Dear Friend Atheist

How wide and long and high and deep are you?
Dear Atheist,

          Good morning my good friend. I hope your day is filled with heart smiles. I want to help you this morning regarding the spreading of your faith (or lack thereof:)

          There are some things that are destructive to Christianity that you would be well advised to avoid. Chief among them, I believe, is the mockery of other belief systems. Within the confines of a mocking attitude is found the penitentiary of hypocrisy. The broad vision of your atheism will be limited in scope if you focus your efforts on lampooning your neighbor. Be nice to your neighbor, even to the extent of forgiving them their grievous faults. By doing so, you will open up the aperture of communication and give them an enticing glimpse of the image and likeness of who you really are.

          Secondary in destructive potential to your atheism, is the seed of sanctimoniousness. The irreverence expressed through a "holier than thou" attitude does wonders in destroying friendships. The Christians like to think that they are at different levels of greater understanding. An insidious yeast of pharisaism rises within them. They become pious prigs who pump up their chests with an air of phoniness. My advice to you, my good friend, accept people for who they are as your equal. Forgiveness and acceptance contain a transmittable degree of contagiousness.

         Lastly (for now,) I urge you my dear friend to avoid the jaundiced eye of jealousy. I've noticed that wherever there's folks who are jealous and filled with selfishness, there is disorder and vileness. Be content with what you have and avoid covetousness. Narcissism is a destructive root that consumes everything and feeds the self. I have found that parsimoniousness eventually becomes so insatiable within the soul of the prideful prig, it causes them to feed on their own egotism. Put others above yourself my good friend, make them feel more significant than you are.

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.
Jesus loves you and so do we.

P. Bahp Dizzle

Saturday, October 26, 2013

The Mosaic Mummy


Once upon a minute..........

          The casket was open as the mourners filed by. A few folks would pause and kneel as they murmured a prayer. Mostly the people kept moving, drifting by the dead body like a slowly meandering creek. Some folks cried while clutching their hankies and blowing their noses. The old woman in the casket was wrapped from head to toe in multicolored strips of cloth. She looked almost like a stained glass mummy or a mosaic mummy.

          On the day of her funeral, the undertakers sealed her coffin. They felt nothing for this woman, she was just another body in their business. Smoking a cigarette, the hearse driver waited for the coffin to be loaded for the short ride to the church. He had seen the lady who looked like a mummy but didn't think much about her. He had enough to think about with problems in his own life. This lady was just another eccentric who chose to live her life wrapped in her wounds. Once the coffin was locked into place in the back of the hearse, he drove to the Temporal Temple.

           The church building was crowded. It wasn't because the old woman had a lot of friends, she didn't, people came to hear the preacher dude. He was a great speaker who always gave them something to think about. Listening to him was a form of entertainment. He would wax eloquently from the pulpit and make his listeners feel good. The people came because they wanted to feel good. The old woman wrapped in multicolored cloths was just a sideshow. The Temporal Temple had a large congregation drawn mostly by the charismatic tongue of the preacher dude. The pall bearers finished rolling the casket to the front of the church and everyone took their seats in anticipation.

          He swayed back and forth slowly before he began. He was like a gently cresting wave. He smiled a sad smile, he genuinely did feel sad at the passing of another member of his church. The preacher dude knew some pertinent facts about the old woman's life from the few distant relatives who provided some details. Her husband and children had died years ago. The woman hadn't worked in years. Over twenty years ago she lost her job; the last of many lost jobs due to illnesses and injuries. The neighbors never saw her anymore, her physical condition would not permit her to go out and the neighbors never went in. There really wasn't much to say about the old recluse of a lady and yet the preacher dude had a lot to say.

          His cadence seemed to pick up rhythm as his speech went on. The organ player and drummer kept up with the pulse of his powerful tempo. He went from a gently cresting wave to a rolling sea billow. He was united in storm with the wind of the pipe organ and thunderous drums. Shouts of "Amen!" from the audience were like flashes of lightening that ignited the preacher dude to soar higher. The congregants forgot about the old woman as they listened and shouted. The show was almost over, the preacher dude was beginning to wind down. 

          As was customary, the preacher dude invited anyone to come forward if they had a few words to say. There was a momentary pause in the funerary proceedings as no one stood up. Suddenly, a teenage boy stepped forward. Nobody recognized him, he wasn't a member of their youth group. He went to the podium and leaned toward the microphone and began to speak. The organ and drums were silent. As he spoke, he turned toward the preacher dude and asked a question: "Sir, why is it that you never told us the reason this lady was wrapped in multicolored cloths?" Before he could answer, the boy continued. 

          The young man shared how he and his sister used to do yard work for the woman before they moved to another neighborhood. She would pay them in cookies, fruitcake and pennies. She gave them what she had. One day, as the two youngsters sat munching on some fruitcake, the boy asked her why she wore all of those strips of brightly colored cloths. He said to the old woman: "Every time I see you, there's another multicolored strip of cloth wrapped around you. Soon you'll be wrapped from head to toe! Why are you all wrapped up?" The old woman leaned heavily on her walker and hobbled over to a faded purple chair.

          To the boy and girl, the old woman looked almost ablaze as she sunk into the faded purple chair wrapped in her multicolored cloths. She said she began wrapping herself years ago. She never wanted to be a burden on other people with her pain and troubles. So each time she was hurt, she would wrap her wound in a brightly colored cloth. She reasoned, correctly, that folks would not know she was hurting because she was clad in gay attire. She could continue to be around other people and hide her wounds. With each new wound, she would wrap another layer around her body.

          When she was still able to attend church, the folks who saw her were patronizingly courteous. They labeled her a harmless old eccentric who made life interesting. Some even asked her about her brightly colored wraps. She would just smile weakly and say she liked to sow and then they would leave her alone. As church folk, they had done their duty by spending a minute with a less fortunate person. The years went by, the wrapping continued and nobody noticed her wounds.

          The girl asked the old woman a question: "But mam, don't you want to be healed from your wounds?" The old lady smiled weakly and replied almost jokingly: "Of course I do, but I don't want to bother anybody and now there's not much of me left to wrap. Folks are busy doing church activities and I wouldn't want them to waste time on an old woman like me. I'm just a wounded old soul. Besides, I've learned to be content in my lonely wrappings. My wounds keep me company. I can relive them one wrapping at a time."

           The boy and girl left that day feeling very sad. How could they help the old woman heal? How could they make her feel valued and loved? They knew there wasn't much time left as she was very old and very feeble. They knew from the experience of watching their Grandpa die, that death would come soon for the old woman. There had to be a way to help the old woman heel before she died. They sat in silence and pondered the moment.

          It was almost as if a volcano erupted in the boys soul as he shouted:"Her life story! We can tell the world her life story!"  The two discussed how they could spread the word about the woman's story and help folks to recognize the hidden pain of people. They agreed that nobody should have to live life all wrapped up in pain by themselves. The young girl seemed to glow with the dawning of new ideas: "Even if we can't remove physical pain we don't have to remove ourselves from their presence." They designed a story that would teach people about hidden pain. They called it the: "Mosaic Menorah." They knew a mosaic was a multicolored gathering of different objects that created artwork. They knew that a Menorah was a lampstand that shined light. They hoped they could shine hope and healing on hurting people through the multicolored wrappings of the old woman.

          The boy and girl went to see the old woman the next day. She could barely move as she answered the door. The two teenagers excitedly shared their idea with the woman. Her shoulders appeared to take on the advent of buoyancy. Her lips curled upward as her smile tightened the wrinkles on her face. For the first time in years she felt loved and valued. All because someone spent some time with her and shared their presence.

          Finishing his message, the boy turned to the preacher dude and said:

"Thanks for your time.
Go do something nice for somebody.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Mastership of Character



Chapter Thirteen

 Mastership of Character

Moment by moment, Mentor as if each moment was your last. Be the best that you can be. Please remember that the child whom you are Mentoring is not capable of your level of mastery.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 25

Can you master the art of Mentoring in such a way that your mastery allows you to remain patient and still while the person you are Mentoring appears clueless? A large part of the Mentoring Relationship involves faith. If your heart is in the right place, your genuineness will make a difference in someone's life; whether you see evidence or not.
The wick of a candle appears motionless and inactive. Capillary action causes the wick to be in a "ready state" for a flame. You may not be the Mentor who lights the flame of response in a child. You might only be influencing the current of understanding that will eventually flow into action. You are invaluable regardless of when the children will shine. It might be 40 years from now! A Mentor's job is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to the capillary action of character illumination. Your student is a sponge who will soak up your actions and then squeeze them out in their actions.
Mentoring metaphors with an oil lamp are endless. Sometimes you are the oil of gladness flowing into a depressed and wounded soul. Your words and attitude spark a light of comfort in the darkness of confusion. You are the wick that stands straight and tall allowing character to flow through you. I find that the greatest part of being a Mentor is seeing the light of understanding in a young person's eyes when the oil of unconditional love flows through the wick in their heart.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 25

One of the biggest mistakes that I have seen parents make is trying to make their children follow their own failed dreams. The inability to accomplish mastery in their own lives becomes a weight in their children's lives. A Mentor is no different. You must reconcile any of your own failed attempts at mastery. Please let them go and focus on what is important for the young person you are Mentoring.
There are parents who wanted to be policemen and lost their opportunity. They try and lead their children into being policemen when their children want nothing to do with that vocation. The Mission Statement for Youth With A Purpose Inc is a good template to use regarding children:

"All children are gifted.
We exist to identify, nurture, protect and empower children
to use their gifts to become the world changers
that God meant them to be."

True mastery of anything begins with self focus. Examine your own strengths and weaknesses. You will always be weak in some areas. Do not sacrifice strength to improve a weakness, you may end up mired in mediocrity. A Mentor's goal with a young person should be to help them attain mastery over their character. 

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Mentor Force TIP of the DAY 1

Experiencing Internship



Chapter Twelve

 Experiencing Internship


Landing an internship can be exciting and intimidating. It's a beginning step to a future dream. An intern is someone who works for a limited time at a job to gain experience. A Mentor should approach each relationship as an intern. Each child is unique and deserves a Mentor with an open mind; together they will create new experiences.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 23

Many years ago (late 1970's) we had season tickets for the Buffalo Bills. I was a fanatic who had dreamed about playing in the National Football League. My playing days were over (except for the annual mud game on Thanksgiving Day!) I gave up my season tickets when the players went on strike. I was angry that players making tons of money would go on strike while I worked hard for a fraction of the pay. I got married and had a family, my priorities changed.
When my 2 sons were younger, we went to some of the Bills games. They both followed sports to some degree and our activities reflected our mutual interests. While it was nice spending time with my boys in watching something, our time together would have been more beneficial if we were doing something. If I could give advice to parents, I would say: 
"Pick up a ball and play catch instead of 
watching someone else play catch."
 Experience is something you gain as you create experience. Knowledge is gained living through an experience. Some experiences may have a déjà vu quality, and yet they are new each day.
 A Mentor is capable of wearing many different hats. You might be a Parent or a Ship Captain, a Fireman or a Teacher. At any moment, you could be either a Mentor or an Intern or both. A Mentor teaches and learns simultaneously. Always be open to new experiences and view each person with a fresh attitude. Always be on the lookout for new relationship building opportunities.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 24

There was a lapse of a few years (almost 10 yrs,) as my boys grew older and my daughter was born. I was an entirely different Dad with Michelle after my internship with Joe and Steve. My experience and patience grew with my desire to be a better Dad. I sought new ways to be a Dad in more excellent ways. I knew spending personal time with a child is important; I spent more time with Michelle than I had with my boys. I regret that but I'm still learning and I always will be.
I began to notice that my moods would go up or down depending on what the Buffalo Bills did on the football field. I would sit and watch the game or listen on the radio. If they did well and eventually won the game, I was a happy guy. If the Bills lost, I was miserable. My moods affected my relationship with my daughter. I resolved to do something about that. Experience can teach you to take action!
I decided to stop watching and listening to the football games. I decided to spend time with my daughter instead. Every Sunday became our: "Thing To Do Day." Michelle and I would visit playgrounds. We once talked about trying to visit every playground in New York; but they keep building more! We would go visit cemeteries and read old gravestones! Sometimes we would go to Letchworth State Park and walk in the woods. We took hotdogs and dill pickles. Yeah, we would cook the dill pickles and hotdogs on a stick over an open fire. Sometimes we just drove around in the rain. We spent some good quality time together and made lots of heart smiles!
On Sunday morning and even sometimes on Saturday, my little girl would smile and look up at me as she asked: "What's our 'Thing To Do' today Daddy?" I would almost always answer: "I don't know, let's just see where we end up!" It was like finding a treasure as you created the treasure of an experience. Each Sunday was a new Daddy/Daughter Internship! Happy Interning my Mentor Friends! Go forth and intern some more!
She's in college and works 3 jobs but she's still her Daddy's little girl!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Mentoring Through Hardship



 

 

Chapter Eleven

Mentoring Through Hardship

Living in the heart of Buffalo, New York, U.S.A. can be like "trick or treat." It's a beautiful area near Niagara Falls with many attractive features. Buffalo is also a place of hardship as reflected by some dubious distinctions. Buffalo ranks in the top 10 cities in poverty, segregation and violence. If you are Mentoring anybody for an extended period of time, you will experience hardship. In a City like Buffalo, hardship may be magnified.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 21

Tonight at our Youth Center (10-14-13) we talked about dreams. One young lady said she had previously wanted to be a mortician. She changed her mind when she found out that she would have to embalm children and babies. Seeing the bodies of children is hard. It's even harder to watch them die. Another young lady is studying Pre-Law in her second year of college. She hopes to maybe help young people avoid lives in jail. Better yet, maybe she can help some avoid a life that leads to violence and death.

As a Mentor, you may have to deal with the hardship of threats, violence and death. How will you handle the hardship of life and death? One Pastor closed his church after there was a gang murder in front of his church. Will you remove the Mentor shingle from the door of your heart when you face gut wrenching adversity? Do not walk the Mentoring journey alone! You will need support, especially in times of trial.

I once asked God to surround me with people who would help me. I asked for "Butterfly People" who would help me when I struggled. I asked for "Diamond People" who would help me when life was hard. I asked for "Pearl People" who would help me when I felt irritated. I reasoned that people would come and help me through the calamities and catastrophes of life. My prayer was answered antonymously (new word describing: an opposite way!).

I began to be surrounded by people who caused me to struggle. More people showed up who made life harder. Others began to become irritants of the highest (or lowest) order. I asked for support and I received a ton of hassle. Slowly I began to realize that the solution was to embrace brokenness as the way to wholeness. It was my job to struggle through to freedom from my cocoon of selfish thinking. It's my responsibility to turn the hard occasions of life into diamonds of wisdom that would help others. I wanted pearls and I received irritants!  I began to see how I needed to look inside myself to examine the source of irritation. It was up to me to cover the irritant with acceptance to create the pearl of understanding.

When looking for support, it is not wise to just look for someone to complain to. Look for positive, solution oriented, responsibility owning folks who will be truthful with their compassion and empathy.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 22

Leadership is you (Mentors lead.) Leadership is what you want to teach. How can hardship become the vessel whose destination is leadership? Many leadership gurus can give you outlines of what true leadership is. From the standpoint of a Mentor, your task is to show how hardship can be a key to greater understanding and wisdom that will create more growth opportunities.

Here are some components to guide you in emulating leadership:
  • A mountain trail is steeper at the top where the view is the best. The benefit of a challenging adversity is that it will reveal any weaknesses in your character. That revelation will lead to foundational repair in your nature. A hardship is a gift. The benefit of your gift is determined in how you invest it.
  • Every hardship is part of the 4 seasons. The hardship may mean it's time to: Let Go (Fall.) Rest (Winter.) (Start over (Spring.) (Celebrate New Opportunity (Summer.) There is a reason for every season.
  • NEVER GIVE UP! Letting go is not the same as giving up. Quitting is refusing to learn. Surrender, abandonment and rejection are cousins of slovenliness. Adversity can create chaos and disorganization. A football team on offense fights against 11 opponents who represent adversity (the defense.) The chaos of 11 people running, blocking or passing appears disorganized and yet the outcome is often victorious. Facing hardship head on will develop character.
  • TAKE DOMINION! Take responsibility for your own actions. You alone rule your attitude.
  • SEEK & FIND OWNERSHIP Finding fault points fingers of blame and erodes opportunity. Seeking responsibility and ownership creates new opportunities.
    True strength comes from seeing the solution to weakness within oneself.
 Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Entrepreneurship & Risk Evaluation




Chapter Ten

Entrepreneurship & Risk Evaluation


My complacency caused me to be like the little dog in the back of the car window: I just kept bobbing my head in agreement. Yeah, I was Bob the bobble head just bobbin' through life like a lifeboat bobbin' in the swells of stormy seas. I was a peacemaker; or so I thought. My reasoning led me to believe that if I just agreed with everybody, we could escape conflict. I attempted to become what I thought people wanted me to be. I lacked the courage and confidence to risk being the real me.

Risk can be a healthy part of relationship building. You need risk to become more than you are. Knowing when to take a risk can keep you healthy and safe. A Mentor must have the ability to exhibit vulnerability and be willing to risk losing a relationship. Doing the right thing involves risk.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 19

I heard a story many years ago about a lady who eventually succumbed to dementia. She was in her late seventies and was now confined to a home similar to a hospice facility. Her lucidness would fade in and out like billows of fog on a windy mountain top. Her daughter-in-law was sitting with her during one of her moments of clear thinking. She asked the old woman her what she would do differently if she could have the opportunity to live life all over again. The woman's eyes sparkled as she said: "I would sing!"

She began to tell her daughter-in-law about her singing story. When she was a teenager, her life ambition was to sing. She wanted to go to school and learn more about music. She wanted it to be her life profession. The young girl's family vehemently opposed her dream. Her father said: "That's nonsense! You need to learn a skill that pays like a seamstress. You need to be able to help support your family when you get married. Never mind this singing foolishness!" The young girl did as she was told.

She became a seamstress, a wife and a mother. The years went by. Everyone grew old. The lady began to falter a bit as she continued with her story. Tears formed in her glassy eyes. She spoke haltingly and said: "If I could do it all over again, I would sing. I would take a risk and follow my heart. I would sing!" After several moments of silence, the old woman with dementia began to sing. The sound of her voice was alluring. Those who heard the beautiful song coming from the hospice room melted into tears. Doctors and nurses paused in the hallways to listen to the enchanting voice. Soon thereafter, silence descended on the tear stained listeners. The old woman's voice trailed off into murmurs of confusion. Her song, delivered in a moment of sunny lucidness, had been replaced by the dark confusion of dementia. She died soon after. She died with her song still locked in her heart. She sang in the throes of death, her song that was intended to give life. She never took a risk.

Take a risk my friend. Your risk may be the key that unlocks and opens a whole new life in the people you Mentor.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 20

Life has many dangerous situations that can be life threatening. Many of you may never encounter someone whom you are Mentoring that will put your life in danger. Some of you will live on the cliffs of life. We take gang members mountain climbing in the Adirondacks. From the top of a mountain, the views are fantastic! The greatest view in the world however, is the look in a child's eyes that says: "Ah Ha! Now I know what love is!" The term "At-risk" is used primarily to describe inner city children. ALL CHILDREN ARE AT-RISK!

Taking a risk and being at-risk are two distinctly different situations. The temptations in life to engage in self destructive behavior are now more pronounced that at any time in history. All children are at-risk when it comes to drugs, sexual abuse, pornography, alcohol, violence, low self esteem, prescription drug abuse and more. NEVER ASSUME that the child you are Mentoring leads a perfectly sheltered life free from any of these problems. Develop a relationship that allows you the possibility to discuss openly the tough issues of life. The child you Mentor may be safe but they may have a friend who desperately needs help.

There are some children who will hurt you. The woundedness they carry prevents them from trusting anybody. They protect themselves by burying their pain deep within their hearts and lashing out at others. They live by the principle that says: "I will hurt others before they get a chance to hurt me." Use wisdom in how you live your life as a Mentor. Whenever possible, make sure you are not alone. Privacy for conversation can be found in public places. Develop an open line of communication with every significant influencer in the child's life - both good and bad. Be aware that jealousy may rear it's ugly head through a parent who envies your relationship with their child. Show them respect and honor their authority when possible.

I will not give you tips on how to survive as a Mentor to gang members. I do not like to use the term "gang member." Be careful with whom you use that term. Be careful with whom you divulge personal information. If you know someone who is breaking the law, you are obliged to share that information with the proper authorities. Please be mindful of the fact that your words about someone can be used to build conspiracy charges against someone perceived as a "gang member." A young person may have had a horrible past that law enforcement officials may gather as evidence. We believe in forgiveness, the law does not. Please understand, I am not advocating that we absolve people from accountability. There are young people who have done time in jail because of crimes already committed. Their convictions were at the local level. Sometimes Federal law enforcement officials step in and use conspiracy charges to add on more convictions and extended jail time. How many times does a young person have to do time for the same crime?

Everything you do will involve some sort of risk. Your greatest focus regarding risk needs to be on the young person you Mentor. How will your actions affect their future? The risk of who you are will dictate the risk of who you will be - young people are watching every move you make.