49 X 3:16 The Introduction

49 X 3:16

An Introduction

For many years I've thought about writing this book. Reading the Bible from cover to cover once a year has been a habit of mine for quite awhile. The passage from John 3:16 is generally considered the most widely read Bible verse of all time. By reading the entire Bible, I've gleaned a fair amount of understanding from some other 3:16's.

I think it all began early one morning a few years ago in Este's Park, Colorado. It was my final night of training for my position as Emcee with Group Workcamps. My position was similar to that of a youth pastor. All of us at the training would be scattered to cities all over the United States later that year. A group of young people who came from all over the world, would gather in those cities. They would share their summer vacations with economically disadvantaged folks and do service projects. In the evening we'd have programs that would teach them more about serving the way Jesus did. The programs started out with fun and laughter and then went into worship and the Word. I was the Emcee who played host to some incredibly gifted people.

Our training allowed us to spend a few days in one of the most beautiful places that I've ever been. We were nestled in the elk filled forests of the Rocky Mountains. My hikes up into the mountains seemed to be lead by acrobatic humming birds. A few hours after the sun set on my last day of training, I went to bed knowing that I had to get up at 4am. I set my alarm for 4am but I woke up at 3:16am. My mind went to John 3:16. I got out of bed and wrapped up my responsibilities at Estes Park and left for the airport. It was about an hours drive and I began thinking about buying a book when I got there.

I like to reward myself after the accomplishment of a goal that I had set for myself. My reward this time would be the purchase of a book; that was if I could find a reasonably priced book! At the airport bookstore, I found a book written by Jimmy Carter. The book was only 5 bucks and I figured it was a deal to purchase something written by a former President for only 5 dollars. At this moment I don't remember anything else in the book except that it had another "3:16" written in it:

"2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."

That verse became a seed in my soul that has not stopped growing. May all of the "3:16's" in this book become seeds in your soul and help you to grow exceedingly above anything that you thought you were capable of.

http://www.amazon.com/49-X-3-Bob-Kuebler/dp/1502873052



Thank's for your time. Go do something nice for an old head.
Jesus loves you and so do we.

Bob Kuebler is the Founder & Director of Youth With A Purpose. Bob has spent the last 12 yrs. learning about pain and perseverance from inner city young people and their families. Healing starts with love and encompasses compassion and empathy. Our mission at YWAP is to inspire inner city young people to develop as God's leaders who overcome the mindset of poverty and gang violence. Bob is the Author of four books, several magazine articles and blogs including The Bright Spot Report. He regularly shares with audiences about how God is redeeming our cities through young people.


Bob can be reached at 716-830-8240

or ywapbuffalo@yahoo.com.

www.youthwithapurpose.org

The Heart Farmers Takes A Mycobacterium Vaccaetion (IT'S GOOD TO PLAY IN THE DIRT!)

           "Daddy, why do you say it's good to get dirty?" Asked the Heart Farmers Daughter. "Well my sweet little Beauty, we all need some dirt under our fingernails!" Replied the Heart Farmer.

           "Before you were born my little darling, I went to the big city to buy some seed. I struck up a conversation with a fella who said he was a scientist. He told me about the benefits of good bacteria in the dirt. He told me that most folks try to kill the bacteria and germs in the dirt because they thought they were bad. It turns out that they were killing all the good germs! That scientist was a smart fella, he used some of them big science words that I never heard before. He told me about something called Mycobacterium vaccae. He said it helps to cause our bodies to release something called seratonin. That's the stuff in our bodies that makes us happy and even think better! He said that vaccae stuff could even help fight diseases like cancer. You know my little sweet petunia, I think maybe we all need a vaccaetion just playing in the dirt!"

           "O Daddy, you're so funny! Maybe when God made people out of dirt, he made us with good bacteria and we just fertilized the good out of the dirt." Said the Heart Farmers Daughter. "The big man looked down at his daughter and smiled as he said: "You're as smart as that scientist my darling. I think God planted some of your Mom's brains in that pretty little head of yours!" The girl giggled as her Heart Farmer Dad swooped her up into his huge arms. She threw her arms around his neck and said: "I love you Daddy!"

Thanks for your time. 
Go do something nice for somebody.

As A Man I Feel Inadequate at Christmas

A manger on the inside.

A barn on the outside.....

           










   

      As a man, I often feel inadequate.
Sometimes I feel like I have to measure up to some manly standard.
I feel inadequate as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a neighbor or as a friend. My view of myself as a provider, whether it be financial or emotional, never seems to be adequate.

          I wonder if Joseph felt inadequate as he led a donkey that carried his pregnant wife. He is supposed to be the provider for his growing family. The best he can do when they need a place to stay is an animal shelter. Looking back on Joseph's history, he must have dome pretty well as a husband and dad. His wife and child went on to change the world forever.

          I wonder if he felt inadequate when his son went missing for 3 days. When Joseph and his wife found their son, he was teaching teachers. When Mary told him how worried that she and his father had been, his reply was: "Didn't you know that I was doing my Father's business?" They didn't have a clue what he meant.

          Sometimes I don't have a clue as a husband or father. I see my children or wife in pain and I want to take it away and I can't. The story of Christmas is about a new birth. The story of the child who was born continues through the years and includes death on a cross. That's not where the story ends.

          Joseph felt inadequate as a dad when his son was missing for 3 days. It must have felt like Christmas when he found his son. I wonder if his mom felt inadequate when her son died on the cross and was dead for 3 days. She must have felt like it was Christmas when he rose again. They don't call it the second Christmas but they could have. Of course they didn't celebrate Christmas back then. They just kept going through a process of having something lost and then found.

          I've come to realize that I must be about my Father's business. There are no inadequacies in His creation. He separated darkness from light. He separated the heavens from the earth. He separated land from water. He separated the seasons: Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer. He filled his separations with living critters. He separated men and women from the world, created them in His image. 

          I cannot be an inadequate image of God. His creation is constantly separating through lostness and foundness - death and new life. My inadequacies cannot be my cross, they must be nailed to the cross. My heart must be placed in the manger of Christmas.

          A manger may not seem like an adequate place to be born.
 A cross may not seem like an adequate place to die.
The separation between the manger and the cross is another phase of the creation of God. All of His creation works together adequately.

          I hope your Christmas is filled with the newness and foundness of

 peace, joy and love in the smiles of your heart. Jesus loves you and so do we.

The Funeral of Fairness

Many folks bemoan the fact that life is not fair. They complain about others who don't treat them fairly. "IT'S NOT FAIR!" They cry with a voice squealing with self pity.

Fairness is a self imposed prison of expectation.
It's not fair for the butterfly to struggle out of it's cocoon.
It's not fair for the diamond to experience such lonely hardness.
It's not fair for an oyster to be irritated and form a pearl.
It's not fair for a grape vine to be pruned and become more productive.
It's not fair for the sun to spend it's day falling into a sunset.
It's not fair for the trees to loose their leaves in a flaming Fall foliage.

Fairness can be described as our expectation of being treated in a way that doesn't favor others more than ourselves. Give fairness a funeral and die to yourself. You were born to climb on the mountain of conflict and become a servant leader. You were born to give to others without regard to receiving anything for your efforts. The Law of Reciprocity will give you a return on your investment of servanthood. By focusing on fairness you will miss the vision of opportunity. Sowing and reaping: if you sow by serving you will reap generosity.

Thanks for your time. Go serve somebody.

Luke 6:37-38
The Message
37-38 “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”

Moral-Scope

"Moral-Scope"

Stretching is good for my body,
not for my morals.

A speed limit causes temptation in me  to
stretch how fast I can go before I get a ticket.
 I don't want a ticket.
 Why do I do what I don't want to do?

Speed becomes a fruit of temptation that consumes my focus instead of the law. Stretching the speed limit is symptomatic of moral stretching in my life. I don't quite have a handle on how I might be stretching moral laws but now I have a "moral-scope" to search them out.

I woke up this morning thinking about the Book of Romans and the law. I never understood it before today. God laid it on my heart to search out the meaning so that by my understanding He could grow greater within me.

Romans 7:14-25
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21 So I find this law at work: although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Mentorology The Dedication

What you are about to read is the Dedication from a soon to be released book about Mentoring. The book is called: "Mentorology Volume One - Building a Mentorship." The book will be released in a few weeks and you may preorder a copy by sending your request to: ywapbuffalo@yahoo.com

  Dedication

I was standing in an airport yesterday when I had a sudden "thought burst" about the Dedication for this book. Sadly, I know many young men who are currently in jail. One of their names came to mind for the Dedication. I decided to dedicate this book to all of the young people who are currently in jail.

The word "vacation" is the term for jail time in the culture of "the hood." A prison sentence has become an acceptable part of life. Behind the concrete walls, barbed wire fences and steel bars there are young people devoid of hope. Some of these guys have not been in trouble for years but somehow they've "caught a case." Some are innocent; all of them hunger for hope. The longer they languish in a hopeless place, the more they become acclimated to hopelessness.

My wife and I are climbing the highpoints of all 50 Sates in America. Earlier this year I experienced altitude sickness on Mt. Humphrey's at 12,637'. A few days later, we reached the top of Wheeler Peak (13,161') after 2 separate attempts on successive days. All symptoms of altitude sickness were gone as my body became acclimatized to the higher altitudes. Climbing Mt Elbert in Colorado at 14,440' was a piece of cake as we stood on top of the second highest mountain in the contiguous United States.

 Back home in New York, we take young people from the inner city up to the Adirondack Mountains about 350 miles away from the hood. They learn perseverance in hiking to the top of a very formidable mountain. Most of them say it's the hardest thing they have ever done. Reaching the peak becomes an accomplishment that helps them as the climb the mountains of life.

They guys in jail are climbing another type of mountain. It's a mountain of self esteem. Becoming acclimated to a prison culture can devalue a person. They derive value from protecting themselves; usually by hurting others. Redeeming human lives does not seem to be the goal in any of the prisons I've visited. Guards lose compassion through the abuse of hardened prisoners. Hopelessness robs human beings of esteem, empathy and compassion.

On of my best friends was a triple murderer who taught me a lot about redeeming human lives. Jerry Balone spent over 37 years in prison. It was a prison program that taught him that he did not have to be a thug and hurt other people before they hurt him. That's how he was raised in a very abusive environment. Abuse was the only life he knew. When he finally learned about respecting yourself and others, he understood and felt bad for what he had done. He became a changed man. I watched him as he spoke to school kids in Erie and Niagara Counties. Jerry was making a difference. He was providing hope.

This book on Mentoring is dedicated to those people in jail who need hope. The jail may be a personal prison or a set of bars. Hope is something that we all need. Hope is something that we can share. The concepts in this book are not rocket science, they are simply tools to help teach folks how to spread hope through our actions.

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody. Go give somebody hope.

Brain Food

 

Chapter Twenty Three

 Brain Food

 

Ahhhhhhhh, another Thanksgiving has passed. Another dinner over; folks with full bellies were sprawled on the floor with care, unable to move or even fit in a chair. Yeah, many of us eat way too much during the holidays. It's like somebody gives us a license to over eat once in awhile. Thankfully, the stomach has a limited capacity. If you keep adding food to a full stomach, your body will eventually reject it. Your brain is unlimited in its capacity to grasp new ideas or reinforce old habits. Seize the day or delay until tomorrow? Either choice may be okay; it depends on your circumstances and consequences.

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People seemed to be wired with a "path of least resistance" brain wave. We bask in the glow of instant gratification. Impulsivity can be a destructive diet composed of impatience and selfishness. As a Mentor your goal is to teach patience and prudence.

"Daddy, why doesn't Mr. Imprudens have any apples on his trees this year?" Asked the Heart Farmers daughter. "We have apples and he doesn't, how can that be?" The big man in coveralls looked down at his precious daughter and smiled as he said: "Well my darling Beauty, it's a matter of being patient with Mother Nature. You see, my little sweet pea, our neighbors wanted their trees to grow more apples and they tried to help them grow. They fertilized too much and they pruned too much and they planted their trees in the wrong place. "The little girl looked sad as she stared down at her muck boots. Suddenly her little face brightened like a wet leaf glistening in the sun after a summer rain. Beauty looked up at her Dad, squinting her eyes in the strong sun rays and said: "Daddy, can we share our apples with Mr. Imprudens?" The Heart Farmer smiled a smile that stretched from the top of his straw hat to the bottom of his mud splattered boots. "Yes my little Beauty, we can share with the Imprudens Family."

Teaching patience and prudence takes patience and prudence. You will reap what you sow in the proper season. Be patient!  

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Character is making sound moral decisions. Character is built through the experience of witnessing other people make moral decisions. My parents signed me up for Boy Scouts at a very young age. Seeds were planted in my character that took many years to grow. You may not be into Boy Scouts but the following "Brain Food" will help you and the person you Mentor develop a healthy "Character Diet."

Boy Scout Oath or Promise

On my honor, I will do my best

To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;

To help other people at all times;

To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

Boy Scout Law

A Scout is:

•           Trustworthy,

•           Loyal,

•           Helpful,

•           Friendly,

•           Courteous,

•           Kind,

•           Obedient,

•           Cheerful,

•           Thrifty,

•           Brave,

•           Clean,

•           Reverent.

Boy Scout Motto

Be Prepared!

I use the words "Be Prepared" almost everyday. Preparedness is the plan that helps you achieve goals and avoid disasters.  Patience and prudence are tools in the planning process. Many years ago in several different books, there was a list of virtues published that would be good for anyone to follow.

1.      Feed hungry folks. (That's great brain food!)

2.      Give drink to thirsty folks.

3.      Lend a hand to a stranger in need.

4.      Cover those who are exposed.

5.      Visit sick folks.

6.      Visit jailed folks.

Go build your character as you feed virtuous character to the people you Mentor by being a good role model.

Thanks for your time.

 Go do something nice for somebody.

Are You A Beyonder?

This pelican just waited for us to toss him a fish, he didn't have to see underwater

Chapter Twenty Two

 Are You A Beyonder?

The horizon of life can be limited by the inability to see the great beyond. A prisoner in a cell becomes so accustomed to a life behind bars that they lose the ability to live beyond the bars.  That's why the rate of recidivism is so high. A high percentage of people who are released get rearrested and reincarcerated because they cannot see beyond an imprisoned life style.

As a Mentor your task is to help someone "see beyond" and "go beyond." Creating a hunger in a child is the best way to motivate them. Removing demotivators (defeatist mindsets) is paramount in creating a space for hunger in the heart of a young person.

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As children age and advance in the educational hierarchy, we present them with greater degrees of complexity in the learning process. Cognitive development is unique to each person and will dictate their ability to reconcile emotional imbalances. A Mentor/Teacher needs to develop the skills to create a learning environment that is conducive to the emotional storms in a child's life.

Picture a blow fish in your mind. The blow fish or puffer fish inflates itself as a defense mechanism against predators. The inflation causes it's spines to protrude further protecting itself. If a predator does bite the blow fish, it will either choke on the spines or it may receive a lethal amount of poisonous neurotoxins from the fishes body. The fish  represents a child full of stress and anxiety that engulfs almost every aspect of their being. Unless you create space within that child, your efforts to help them develop critical thinking skills may be in vain. A child will protect their heart by lashing out at perceived attempts to force it where it is not ready to go.

A best practice in Mentoring is the ability to defuse emotional firestorms through compassionate listening. Make space in your teaching style to accommodate the emotional needs in your students. PMM or "Power Moment Mentoring" is simply defined as Mentoring in the power of the current emotional moment where the child exists. They cannot see beyond their current emotional state and neither should you. Help them to release anxiety before you attempt to teach.

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Birds don't wear goggles or bifocals when they go fishing. Did you ever wonder how a bird in the sky can spot a fish under water? I've never seen a bird with binoculars! Humans and birds see differently for many reasons. What gives birds the ability to see beyond the surface of the water when they are looking for a meal?

Birds have the ability to see in two types of vision called binocular and monocular vision. This means that both eyes can work together to see straight ahead or each eye can see independently of the other. A bird's eye takes up a larger percentage of space on its head than a human eye does. The retina contains different colored drops of oil. Each species has oil that allows it to see effectively for its own individual lifestyle. A sea bird will have more drops of oil which is believed to help it block the glare of the water when searching for food.

Several years ago I was helping to teach a youth group at a local church. One particularly exasperating young man gave us a years worth of stress in about 2 hours. I remarked to one of the other youth leaders that this boy was a lost cause. I said: "Some kids are just never going to get it!" The other leader nodded his head in agreement. We had both just written him off our "beyonder list." We could not see beyond his immaturity - that was very immature of us!

I went home that night thinking that I had a good day as I lay down in bed. All of a sudden a guilt bird started flying around my gut. The voice I heard was almost audible: "Who do you think you are saying that boy will never get it? You got it didn't you?" I began to remember how far I had come in my own life journey. I had given many folks a whole lot of stress while growing beyond my immaturity. I felt guilty and I learned my lesson not to write any child off of my "beyonder list."

Birds can see in cloudy, foggy and murky conditions in large part due to the oil in their retinas. The oil of compassion in a Mentors heart will allow them to see through cloudy immaturity in people. Becoming a Beyonder requires the binocular vision of seeing what's right in front of you and the monocular vision that sees the wider vision of the big picture of possibility.

           How's your eyesight? Do you have the ability to see beyond your current situation? My Grandmother always said: "There are better days ahead." My Mom always said: "This too shall pass." They were both Beyonders who believed in brighter days.

Thanks for your time.
 Go do something nice for somebody.

POSER or PAUSER

Chapter Twenty One

Poser or Pauser

Posing as someone you are not represents a theft of potential. Pausing to meditate upon the possibilities created by your actions is a personal antitheft device. Posers are counterfeit people who will take credit for your strengths and point fingers at your weaknesses. Pausers help you reflect intelligently and examine outcomes before proceeding in the decision making process.

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Once upon a minute there lived a Poser. Nobody knew his real name; he pretended to be somebody new everyday. Each new day was filled with a new dream and excuses. The excuses would describe why the dreams on the preceding day had failed. The Poser knew nothing of perseverance; he was a fake and a fraud who found his self worth in stealing other folk's accomplishments.

His favorite saying was: "You couldn't have done it without me!" He would brag far and wide about all the people who were a success due to his accomplishments in their lives. His real goal, unspoken even to himself, was helping people fail so he wouldn't be alone in his own failures. His self esteem was lowered with each new failure.

 One day he was helping a student who wanted to become a Doctor. The student was struggling and wanted to quit. The Poser urged the young person to quit because that was something that Poser's are prone to do. The Poser had once had once wanted to become a Doctor but he had failed at that too. The Dream of being a Doctor had happened before he became a Poser. A high school teacher had asked him what his dream was. When he replied: "I want to be a Doctor!" The teacher told him: "You're not smart enough to become a Doctor." He began to believe the discouraging words of the teacher, that was the beginning of his life as a Poser.

He would dream a dream and then the words of the teacher would leech up from the depths of his heart and cast the dream away with echoes of: "You're not smart enough!" Those discouraging words became his best friends and he spread them far and wide. Eventually folks became fed up with the negativity of the Poser and banished him from their lives. He took up residence under a bridge. He spent his days collecting cans and bottles for redemption. He begged for money and verbally abused those who refused to donate to his misery.

The lessons from this story:

1.      Do not live your failed dreams through others.

2.      Encourage those who struggle to pause and consider the outcomes before quitting.

3.      Purge your heart from negative words spoken in your past before they do damage in the present.

4.      Be accountable, be encouraging, be disciplined - DON'T QUIT!

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One of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences in life is to see someone succeed after you have given them hope and encouragement. As a Mentor, Teacher, Parent, Friend, Spouse, Employer, Pastor, Counselor, Doctor, Neighbor or even an Enemy, do not expect to receive recognition and gratitude from someone you have helped. Do not take credit for someone's achievement no matter how much you have done for them.

Success is always a matter of personal choice. You may have been the catalyst of that success but you do not own it. Gratitude will come your way in some form or another. The Law of Reciprocity will guarantee your gratitude receivership. The seed you plant must be free of its connection to you. A farmer lets go of the seed into the ground. You are a Heart Farmer who must let go of the seed of hope and encouragement into the heart of the person whom you are Mentoring.

For everything there is a season. During the season of basking and glowing, please don't steal the limelight by taking credit for an accomplishment that is truly not yours. The fan in the stands bought a ticket, a beer and cheered the team on but he didn't throw a touchdown pass or kick the winning field goal. The Gold Medal Winner stands alone on the central podium after an Olympic victory. The victor usually gives credit and gratitude to a host of people who made the fulfillment of their dream possible. Somebody is always left out of the "thank you speech." Bask in the feeling of knowing you helped another human being. That's enough, your good deed will be returned upon you in due season.

Pausing to give recognition is the fruit grown from the seed of pausing to make a good decision.  Thanks for pausing to read this. Go do something nice for somebody.

Worship not Warship

Chapter Twenty

 Worship (not Warship)

It seems like everyday there is a new religion in the world. Yesterday I read an article that estimated that there are over 4,200 different religions in the world. Just for the record, the label that would most aptly describe who I am is Christian. I really don't like that description because it does not educate somebody regarding my faith and beliefs. The world's history is full of animosity created at the bloody hands of religious zealots, extremists and terrorists. As a Mentor it is not your job to convert anybody. You must accept everyone as they are uncritically.

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Mother Teresa was a pretty famous self sacrificing lady who demonstrated her faith through acts of love. She loved the lepers and impoverished folks in Calcutta. She accepted everybody equally, she loved everybody equally. An unconscious leper lying in the street did not have a religious label on his forehead. My favorite Mother Teresa quote is this: “I used to think it was my job to convert people, it’s not. My job is to love people, love will do the converting.” Your job as a Mentor is to love people.

Sharing your particular religious faith for informational purposes is perfectly acceptable. Inviting your Mentee to your religious service is acceptable. If they refuse any of your invitations, you need to refuse to be offended. Coercion of any form is not acceptable. Using force whether it's physical, emotional or verbal will result in resentment. You are a guide not a prison guard.

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In a recent class at Erie Community College in Downtown Buffalo, New York, we spoke about religion. I like to start the class with a brief explanation about acceptance, segregation and hypocrisy. My remarks sounded like this:

"I don't care what your religious belief or lack of belief is. I respect all of you equally. I love all of you equally. It doesn't matter if you are Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, spongebobology or any other form of religion. If I have a Muslim neighbor kneeling on his prayer rug, I will get down and pray with him. We may not be praying the same way but I still love him. If my other neighbor is an atheist, I'm still going to cut her lawn if she needs help. Accept people for who they are and don't start a war over who you think they should be."

The sad part about religion is the part of taking God out of schools. Religion is a part of history and yet fear has dictated the removal of "God discussions" in many classrooms. In most cases, the students accept that we are all different. They accept an explanation about treating everyone equally. It's usually an adult who complains to the administration that somebody dropped the "G-bomb." (They said God!) Children are naturally inquisitive. It seems like society attempts to be more inclusive by creating greater segregation.

Building honesty and trust through acceptance is the key ingredient in a successful Mentoring program. If your discussion offends someone then stop. Hopefully if you have a religious belief, it is one that unconditionally loves all people. Let your actions dictate a description of your love.

Heart Viewership

Chapter Nineteen

Heart Viewership

Your mouth speaks what your heart sees. If your heart sees only brokenness, you will speak words that will break the spirit. Conflict is the first step in the growth process. Through brokenness we are given a greater capacity to love. A Mentors "Heart Viewership" is a two-way looking glass.

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The Heart Farmer and his daughter Beauty were walking along a freshly planted field. Acres of dirt were all that was visible to the naked eye. The Dad smiled and said to his daughter: "I can already see that corn growing knee high by the fourth of July! In fact I can already see the corn silo filled with corn!" Beauty looked confused: "But Daddy, I don't see anything. All I see is dirt and the corn silo is empty."

Dad smiled even wider. "You've got to put your "Heart Glasses" on darling. They let you see things that you believe will eventually happen. We know that we planted the corn and we just believe that it will grow. My heart tells me to believe and see the corn so I can plan for the future." The little girl seemed to understand - a little. "Daddy, do you mean it's like when I can see dinner in my mind just from smelling Mommy's good cooking?" The Heart Farmer laughed a great big belly laugh. "Yes my little sweet pea, I can taste your Momma's cooking when I smell it, even when I milking the cows!"

The lessons of the Heart Farmer are endless. As a Mentor you will need to develop your "Heart Vision" to see potential beyond immaturity. Don't judge by what you see - have faith in what you don't see. Just believe that if you follow the principles set down in this book that you will make a difference. A Teacher may only be a part of a child's life for a short time before they move on. You are only putting a piece on the child's character. The finished product may be a few seasons away. You may never see the finished product outside of your "Heart Vision." Put your most compassionate foot forward and just believe in a bright future for the people you Mentor.

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The picture of character that you envision in your Mentee must be visible in you. Use your "Heart Vision" on yourself. Examine your own character traits. Are there any that should not be passed on to a person you are Mentoring? A Mentor should be a walking, talking replica of the character that you would like to see developed in others.

The closer you get to someone, the more likely is the possibility that you will reveal glimpses of your personal life. When you are experiencing a particularly pain filled life episode, careful attention needs to be paid to your words. Do not fall into the temptation to use your Mentee as a confidant and a counselor. Set boundaries on what you will discuss regarding your personal life. It's okay to reveal that you are going through a divorce. It's not okay to rant and rave over your "soon-to-be" ex-spouse's character indiscretions.

You may need to step away from Mentoring for a season. Painful life episodes are like seasons that come and go. The winter is a season of stillness and reflection. Winter in the north is a season where growth stops and rest begins. Make time to rest after a devastating fall has left you depleted. Do not push yourself so hard that you will end up in counseling or worse.

Heart Vision is having the ability to discern future events based upon proper planning and experience. Teaching good character from a textbook has value. Teaching good character by modeling good character is the best way to have that behavior emulated in others. Seeing is believing. A Mentor with Heart Vision is a seer of belief. 

Belief begins in the eyes of your heart.

Thanks for your time.
Go do something nice for somebody.

Wardenship of Trust

Chapter Eighteen

 Wardenship of Trust

Wardenship is a word that conveys the notion of power over people. The following words are considered synonyms for wardenship: custody, care, protection, safekeeping, tutelage, tutorship, watch and trust. I wonder if you asked the average prisoner in a jail if he would use those words to describe the Warden or Prison Guards in his life. As a Mentor, you may have to visit an inmate in jail that is controlled by a Warden. As a Mentor you may have to free someone from a personal jail where you have the opportunity to become a Warden who tutors through trust.

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HOW TO MENTOR AN INMATE

1. HOPE
A Mentor is the "Hopemeister."
Upon entering a jail or prison to visit an inmate, prepare yourself. Abraham Lincoln is a good example of preparation: "“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” You need to spend some time filling yourself with hope so you can dispense hope. For a 2 hour prison visit, spend 4 hours filling up your hope tank. Read stories about hope and perseverance, soak up hope in any way you can.

2. LISTEN
Most prisoners will have a lot to say. They will lament about loneliness and spending another birthday or Christmas behind bars away from their family. They may express regret over the past. Let them talk and listen with your eyes and your heart. Let them know you are listening empathetically.

3. HOPE
A farmer breaks the ground before he can plant a seed. He let's go of the seed. He builds a silo to hold a crop that is not yet grown. The farmer does not control the sun or rain that will help his crop grow. A prisoner needs something to believe in. Everyday is a new planting opportunity. Everyday has brokenness. Your words of hope become seeds in the broken heart of the inmate. Let them know that they are valued and loved unconditionally. Help them plan a future that contains a purpose - WE ALL HAVE A PURPOSE!

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Words can create generational prisons. Once upon a minute, many years ago, a father told his son he was worthless, no good, stupid and lazy. He also added that the son would never amount to anything. Those words became labels of belief in the young boys mind.

As he grew, the son became filled with resentment and wore his labels well. He used them as excuses in school for his lackluster grades. He used them at home as he defiantly disrespected his mother (the father had left home after planting his seeds of negativity.) The boy dropped out of school, joined a gang, got a girl pregnant and went to jail.

As his baby grew, the baby's mom became impregnated with resentment at having to raise the baby alone. She blamed the imprisoned baby's father for all of the pain in her life. She raised her son to disrespect his "loser father" who called his trips to jail a "vacation." The son grew older in a culture of disrespect devoid of unconditional love. He followed in his dad's footsteps. He got behind in school as his grades slipped - he blamed the Teacher. The young man eventually quit school, joined a gang, had a baby and joined his dad on vacation in jail.

As a Mentor, you need to recognize the roots of self imprisonment and disrespectful behavior. Let the following creed become a part of who you are:

"Positive words only - are spoken,

 Negative words make people feel broken."

Become a warden of your words. Remove words that are devoid of hope. Speak truth and encouragement. Discernment of truth should not lead to criticism. Love is a better way. Love is a more excellent way. The person you are Mentoring may not have a clue what love is. Your words, commitment, perseverance and non-critical attitude may be the keys that unlock the doors of a personal prison.

Steamship of Resentment

Chapter Seventeen

 Steamship of Resentment

"You're not my father!" It's a phrase that I've heard screamed in defiance countless times. Young men filled with resentment rebel against any fatherly figure who fills a role of authority. Anger at the absence of a father figure is embedded in the hearts of fatherless sons. Their subconscious is filled with volcanic like indignation that fuels quick-tempered outrage. Identifying the root of anger will help you teach your Mentee how to use anger as a building foundation instead of a self destructive force.

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We had to close the door to keep the young boy from running out of the Principal's office. He was out of control; punching, kicking, screaming and crying. I was in the building for a Relationship Mentoring Class and just happened to be in the Main Office when the boy was brought in. 

Talking to him seemed to have no effect at calming him down. Then we asked him if he wanted to draw and gave him some paper and markers. We were just biding our time until a parent or guardian could come and take him home. He began to draw pictures of people and a house. As he drew the pictures, he began to relax. We asked him about his artwork and he opened up a little. He said that sometimes he went to his Dad's house. He said sometimes they would argue and then he had to go home. The boy was angry about a family situation.

All situations require individual and unique responses. There is no "one size fits all" answer. Do not rely solely on your own experience to solve a problem dealing with anger. The anger issue that you may have lived through may be similar but each person is unique. Be a patient and empathetic listener. Ask questions about what, where, why, when and how regarding the anger. If someone does not want to talk: DO NOT FORCE THEM! Be a friend and build trust by being caring and non-judgmental.

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This next section may scare some of you. Depending on where and who you Mentor, dangerous situations can arise. Some teenagers will try and bait you into a physical altercation. You may be much stronger than a young boy - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE IT. Only use physical force as a last resort. If an attack occurs, defend yourself as best as you can.

I have Mentored in the inner city for over 10 years. I have had attempts on my life and damage to my personal property at my home. I have called the Police on numerous occasions. I have had to break up fights between both girls and guys. Drugs and alcohol play a huge part in violent behaviors. There are ways to protect yourself as you Mentor in potentially dangerous situations. Some are no-brainers but you need to burn them into your brain.

·         Whenever possible, make sure that there are 2 or more adults around you.

·         Always have a cell phone within reach.

·         Stay away from enclosed areas hidden from public view.

·         Maintain male to male and female to female relationships.

·         If you have any questions about someone who has a violent history, ASK THEM!

·         Do not hesitate to call the Police.

·         If you do say you will call the Police - THEN DO IT!

·         Be alert for signs of weapons.

·         Learn the cultural language that identifies threatening behavior.

·         Use your intuition to guide you and be on high alert.

·         Be careful when inviting the friends of the person you are Mentoring to be a part of your activities.

                        Mentoring can be dangerous in certain neighborhoods and with certain individuals. You most likely will never have to face the dangers listed above but the Boy Scout Motto is: "Be Prepared!" There are storms in life and preparation will keep you safe.